The Assassin’s Daughter Turns One! | Deleted Scene

This week, The Assassin’s Daughter approaches its one-year publication birthday! To celebrate, I’ve got a few things happening on the blog this week (including the Q&A vlog in all its awkwardness!).

The Assassin’s Daughter has been through a lot of changes over the years, and today I’m sharing a look at the very first draft!


Just a quick note for context: This is the opening scene of the first draft, and takes place about the same time as the opening scene of the final version.
“Kat!”
    Edellion’s voice broke my concentration. “What?” I hissed back at him from my hiding place beneath the lower branches of a pine tree and behind a flimsy, dying bush of unknown origin. I shifted and scooted over to make room for him.   
    He settled beside me, using that uncanny talent of silence that he had. “How’s it going?”
    I glared at him. “One might say it was going well until you decided to make so much noise calling my name. Don’t you care about losing cover?”
    The corner of his lips tilted up in a grin. Rustling leaves got his attention. “Right there,” he whispered in my ear, pointing to a space a few feet ahead of us and slightly to the left, where the slightest hint of motion shown between the leaves. “I didn’t expect to find him so easily.”
    “That’s why we do this, isn’t it?”
    Ed pushed himself up with ease and little sound, creeping along the ground with his bow in hand. He set an arrow to the string and focused on a target to our left. Within three seconds, he had fired the shot and was reaching for another arrow.
    “Well done!” came the congratulatory call. “Now come down here and help me get away from this blasted tree.”
    Ed extended a hand to help me to my feet, then we scrambled out of hiding and down the slight slope to the tall oak. A brown cloak, belonging to man who offered a small grin, was pinned to the tree trunk.
    “Tell me,” he said, “whose was it?”
    I jerked my thumb in Ed’s direction. “All his.”
    Ed pulled the arrow from the tree and returned it to the quiver. “Thank you, thank you,” he said with a dramatic bow.
    “Don’t make me slap you.”
    Bayor dusted off his cloak and examined the tear before shaking remnants of leaves from his dark gray hair, rather thinning, hair. “I see I’ve taught you well. Come along, children.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “That’s how you make a good shot, isn’t it, Bayor? Kat’s never made that good of one, has she?”
    “Yes I have!” I cried, standing still for a second.
    Our teacher smirked. “It was an excellent shot, Edellion.”
    “Ha!” Ed laughed over his shoulder.
    “But Katira’s still my favorite.”
    “Why?” He turned, walking backwards so he could face us. The look on his face was a mix of hilarious confusion and slight disappointment.
    “She doesn’t talk so much.”
    Ed walked several feet ahead us. Bayor and I had to take two steps to his one just to catch up. “Wait up!”
    He turned on his heel. “Yes?”
    “You don’t even know where I wanted you to go,” Bayor chided.
    “Nonsense!” Ed looked indignant at the accusation. “I know exactly where you’re going. To the dining hall.”
    “Well I can’t say I didn’t teach you to remember the academy schedule.”
    “It involves food, which I am pretty sure is all that crosses his mind.”
    “Oh, Kat,” Ed said with a false frown, “how insulting. I’m afraid I’ll have to ignore you to make up for that.”
    “At least you’ll be out of my hair.”
    Bayor waved us away. “Go on, you two. Putting up with the two of you has been exhausting.”
    Ed started walking, so I looped my arm with his. “Now you can’t get too far ahead.”
    “Have you considered growing another inch or so taller? I’d say that would help.”
*sneaks out of hiding place*
Are you squinting? Laughing? Trying to pretend you never saw this? I like to think the final product is an improvement. ;D 

Anyway, I’d love to hear what you think of the differences between the first and final versions!

Comments

  1. THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN! And, girl, your first drafts are amazing! That was so polished for a first draft! And it made me smile. I've missed Kat, Ed, and Bayor! Thank you so much for sharing with us!

    And HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO TAD!!! I can't wait for your vlog! :D

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! Admittedly, this is one of the less cringe-worthy bits—some of the others I'd considered had a few too many spoilers to share for now... But I'm glad it wasn't too terrible, hehe!

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  2. I have been blessed to see it in all it's forms :) and I have always loved it!

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  3. Wow, the difference is tone is so different! I like the extra banter in this one, but it doesn't show the serious nature of what they're learning, and the tension in the final version is a much better hook.

    Also, forget Kat and Ed, I ship Ed and food. XD

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    Replies
    1. It really is! I'd forgotten just how different the tone starts out in this draft, and how much the scene has changed.

      The secret's out: His heart belongs to food.

      Delete

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